No more piling on!

As I write this the interview between Barack Obama and Tom Brokaw is playing out on Meet the Press. I'm hearing a real discussion, not just sound bites and platitudes.

The election is behind us.

I'm breathing easier than I have for nearly a decade. That sounds strange, I'm sure, because we are probably in the worst situation economically and globally than in my entire life. But finally, I feel that we actually have a mature, capable, ethical, moral, problem-solving man at the helm. I see him building a reputable team to assist him.

The last few weeks I felt relief and hope filter into my thinking. But it became obvious that I have kept alot of frustration, stress and concern -- alot of just plain fear -- bottled up. I question everything and doubt most of what I hear from everyone. And I expect the worst.

When everything came to a head a few days ago, I realized that I needed to find a better way to deal with life's problems. I reached out to friends and colleagues on my favorite writing community, Internet Writing Workshop, and asked for their recommendations for meditation online, books, whatever. And while their suggestions began arriving in my inbox, I began doing my own search.

I believe in the divine. I believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence.

So, when I 'stumble' across a site, I have this faith that something has led me to it. And right now, I'm glowing with that synchronicity that brought me to the wisdom of the Living Life Fully website.

I shared the site with my fellow writers and just this morning I received this response:

"Thank you for this! I've been receiving the meditations for two mornings now. Wow! They are inspiring. This was a true gift. " --Ann

That's how I feel!

The first message I read on this site was exactly what I needed to hear after having been yelled at by my supervisor at work. While I was feeling like I was living the wrong life and wondering where the real 'me' has gone, I read:

Don't feel sorry for yourself if you have
chosen the wrong road--turn around!

Edgar Cayce

After a few paragraphs discussing this concept, it ended with another quote. Almost verbatim what a couple of friends -- fellow muses -- had been telling me:

When you find yourself overpowered, as it were,
by melancholy, the best way is to go out and do something.

John Keble

But the first quote I received in the daily meditations sent to my inbox is now copied and hanging in my locker at work:

Hold up your head! You were not made for failure, you were made for victory; go forward with a joyful confidence in that result sooner or later, and the sooner or later depends mainly on yourself.

Anne Gilchrist

I discovered that simply hearing positive reinforcement, an understanding voice, soothes my throbbing emotions and helps me find a better balance. We are all our hardest critic, worst enemy when it comes to cheering ourselves on. It is time that I stopped piling on when everyone else is down, or yelling or frustrated or attacking me. I don't need to 'feel hurt' I need to raise my chin, smile and remember that I am not made for failure.

With that in mind I can keep things in perspective and realize that it isn't so important what others think of me -- especially those who are not actually looking or listening or are aware of who or what I am. What is important is that I realistically see myself and ease up a bit and just let me enjoy life. Perfection is not my goal. Growing, learning, improving, and most of all enjoying the process -- that's my goal.

No more piling on! The goal has changed and I am the one in control of reaching it!

Seven Wheelchairs available at Amazon!!!

Whenever a bell rings, an angel gets his wings AND an author gets published. Do you hear that bell dinging? Gary Presley's memoir is listed at Amazon and we can pre-order his books for delivery in October. Tra-la- tra-la. The angels are singing and waiting for their books to arrive.

I've placed my order. Have you?

Why would I, you ask? Well, evidently you don't know Gary if you must ask. He's unique, and his life's story is a delightful blend of humor, anger, frustration and unvarnished truth with a touch of romance. You think life has been rough for you? Think about turning 17, anxious to step into manhood, ready to grab the world by the tail and make your mark. He was so ready to take that step and then polio made it impossible for him to ever take another step. For the past almost 50 years, Gary has fought for every minute of quality of life. First entombed in an iron lung he helplessly lived at the mercy of white hatted nurses, orderlies, doctors and that unfeeling machine that pumped air in and out of him when his own body refused.

His book "Seven Wheelchairs" tells about his journey 'boob high' to the world. He doesn't cover up, draw back or sugar coat anything.

The book, beautifully written, honestly told, is enough reason to put out $17 for a copy. But for us there is more to the story. Gary has been a friend for almost a decade, beginning as a fellow writer at the Internet Writing Workshop and then becoming my strength when my husband was diagnosed with ALS and we had to quickly learn about living with a disability.

Gary shared tips and contacts concerning wheelchairs, navigating in one, and where not to go. He mentioned opening doors -- who knew it could be so difficult to get into and out of a building or room based solely on the type of door handle and hinges? Who thought about taking along a urinal for those times when a handicapped accessible bathroom doesn't present itself.

Who knew how much anger we would feel when someone parked in a handicapped space, leaving my husband to try to walk across the parking lot. Then find out they were making a delivery -- no handicap sticker, just a big old Mercedes and a lot of ego, and the temerity to tell my husband that it wasn't a big deal.

Gary knew everything, including the anger. It took him alot of years to laugh it off. He's helping us to do it in a much shorter time.

If anyone wants a clearer understanding of living with disabilities, how to socialize and interact and understand a person who must go through so many more hoops just to get his pants on in the morning, then read Gary's book.

Dissimulation

This week the members of the practice list on the Internet Writing Workshop have been submitting their versions of fiction, mostly fiction, based upon the assignment to focus on dissimulation. It sounded simple enough: "In 400 words or less, create a scene in which a character, in the course of conversation, says one thing while thinking another." It is another way of saying 'hypocrisy.'

Francis Bacon wrote, back in the 15-1600s:

There be three degrees of this hiding and veiling of a man’s self. The first, closeness, reservation, and secrecy; when a man leaveth himself without observation, or without hold to be taken, what he is. The second, dissimulation, in the negative; when a man lets fall signs and arguments, that he is not that he is. And the third, simulation in the affirmative; when a man industriously and expressly feigns and pretends to be that he is not.

Some IWW list members wrote of business deals -- "I've got a bridge to sell you..." That kind of interactions or as we say in Florida, "I have some prime 'lakefront' real estate to sell you..." Others turned to thoughts of love, relationships, blind dates and all of the mixed messages those can engender.

My thoughts flew to the church and the dissimulation between word and deed often seen in the members of the flock -- after all, they are humans striving for perfection. Too many, I fear, fake it till they make it....

And then there is what I call 'mama speak.' Mothers and their children. Children of any age, but particularly teens and young adults and not so young adults. Mothers who never raise their voice, always smile, gently chide, yet the child feels the crack of that whip, the guilt, the zing of mother's disapproval behind those 'encouraging' words.

Especially in advertising we should be aware of the term dissimulation. I wonder, looking back, who was the first to tell people that we must drink bottled water, that it is purer, safer, more sophisticated, more fun? Perhaps it was the same advertising firm that told us we were sexier, more worldly, more mature, stronger, if we smoked cigarettes.

Now in this season, this long season, of presidential politics, we should be looking for the dissimulation -- the chasm that gapes wide between the words spoken and the thoughts, actions, truth behind them.

Bacon also had encountered such politicians. Evidently in his day there was an alternative, I'm not sure there is today. They all seem quite talented at dissimulation. Here's what Bacon said:

Dissimulation is but a faint kind of policy, or wisdom; for it asketh a strong wit, and a strong heart, to know when to tell truth, and to do it. Therefore it is the weaker sort of politics, that are the great dissemblers.

How sad.

It Isn't Easy Being Green

Green seems to be the color of choice this week.

Green stands for growing and green for environmentally responsible residents of Earth. Like Kermit T. Frog, the feeling of wannabe greenies is, "It isn't easy being green." But perhaps with discussion and exchange of ideas, a bit of determination and imagination, green may grow on us -- and I don't mean moss.

Some areas where I encountered green seemed to all meet at the Internet Writing Workshop.

The Creative Nonfiction Discussion Group are discussing the essay by Deborah Halter: The Joys of Walking vs. the Need for Speed that appeared in the June 22nd issue of National Catholic Reporter. Sadly the essay availability only extends to subscribers of NCR, but the gist of it involves her efforts to walk more and drive less. Like many of us, the author enjoys the driving, the quick results of driving to a destination as opposed to time-eating walks. And like many of us, a walk can not just be a walk, it must involve a destination, be useful, be work, or utilitarian.

I particularly liked this statement:

The first thing I learned was that when we drive, we miss many of the sights, sounds, smells and sensations of being human in the world -- a rabbit under a bush, 5-year-olds playing hopscotch on the driveway, the pungency of wet pavement, the poking of grass and gravel underfoot.

When we roll up the windows and turn on the air, we're twice removed. When we play the radio or a CD, we're thrice removed.When we listen to the radio or a CD and talk on a cell phone, we're removed a notch further. And when we're doing all that plus eating a burger or yelling at the kids in the back seat, our alienation from the environment becomes exponential.

I read Halter's words and can hear my husband's voice. His biggest pet peeve on his long drives to and from work involved people (women) in big SUVs as they multi-tasked (cell phones, mascara/make up application, coffee drinking, hair combing, and even reading while driving erratically and often coming within a hare's breath of running him off of the road.

Another touch with being green also originated at IWW with an article by a member, Wendee Holtcamp. Her article Thirty Days of Consumer Celibacy appears on OnEarth's website and not only follows her experiment into recycling and not buying new items for thirty days. It also imparts information about the biggest polluters and the project San Francisco Compact, started in 2006 by several concerned women.

Holtcamp wrote,

The average American generates about 4.5 pounds of trash a day -- a figure that,
according to the Environmental Protection Agency, includes paper, food, yard
trimmings, furniture, and everything else you toss out at home and on the job.

The leaders in pollution can be listed in a relatively short list: "cars and trucks; meat and poultry farming; crop production; home heating, hot water, and air conditioning; household appliances; home construction; and household water use and sewage treatment."

Moving on with the green synchronicity that came together this week, let me introduce a former IWW member Sandra Friend. She inspires me with her immersion into environment and Florida and her writings. She has written several books and articles about hiking, especially about hiking in Florida.

When I'm concerned that its time for the pest control guy to spray for bugs, she's slogging through some swamp locating mystery orchids and leading tours. She and Wendee leave me in the dust when it comes to environmentally responsible.

But with everyone coming together in a Greenpeace kind of week, maybe I'll finally step up and do my part -- after the bug guy gets done spraying for roaches and spiders and....

Cultivating Delight

In a previous blog I mentioned my delight in a turn of phrase, new perspectives and book discussions -- among other things. But books and writing truly excite me and none more exciting than a recent read: Cultivating Delight: A Natural History of My Garden by Diane Ackerman.

On her website, she's described as an 'intellectual sensualist' -- exactly what I strive for in my own writings, but fall short. Ackerman's ability to create a scene, instill it with details for all of the senses, provide information beyond superficial, adding to what you thought you already knew about any topic, makes you fall in love with whatever she describes.

The Internet Writing Workshop's creative nonfiction list are discussing an essay Clothes Encounters by Donna Milmore that appeared in The Boston Globe's Coupling column. The simplicity and tone of both writings convey issues that speak to our souls. Milmore tells of recovering from the sudden death of her husband and Ackerman discusses deer surviving the winter and her relationship to them. When speaking of survival and love, simplicity certainly works best.

Ackerman takes her opening essay beyond the garden wall in her first sentence: "I plan my garden as I wish I could plan my life, with islands of surprise, color, and scent...."

And closes on a note of hope:

"Nurturing...gardeners are eternal optimists who trust the ways of nature and
believe passionately in the idea of improvement....Small wonder a gardener plans
her garden as she wishes she could plan her life."

[Photo at Hollis Gardens, Lakeland, FL by Derrol Goldsmith]

Don't Quit!

A recent whine on the Internet Writing Workshop list elicited a response that really brought me to my knees. One of my favorite poems appeared in my inbox as an answer to my 'why bother' feelings. Most writers experience those feelings of "Who am I kidding, I'm no writer," on a regular basis. It has been my turn for the past week or two.

Yet, the poem reminded me how close I could be to doing something meaningful -- if I just don't quit.

Another dear friend, years ago, gave me a mug with that poem on it. Another life when I worked as a secretary for a stable of law college faculty, he presented me with the mug and poem. He didn't realize how that urged me on. I need to unpack that mug and put it front and center on my desk so I can be reminded daily to "Don't Quit."

I can't begin to say it as well as the anonymous author of the poem. So, I'll just post the poem here:

Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

-Unknown