History is only a day away....

If I could learn history from novels -- I'd be a happy woman. But, some authors don't do enough research or use too much literary license. Then I remember that it is a NOVEL which means FICTION which basically translates into NOT TRUE or at the least, unreliable.

I'm a grown up now. I eat my vegetables, avoid fatty foods, go to work every day, don't max out my credit cards. So, it is time I began to learn history from nonfiction sources. I picked up an audio recording of David McCullough's award winning "John Adams" and started listening to it while working on a quilt.

The quilt proved more difficult than I thought it would be (see Subversive Stitchers site for more about that). But, the book turned out to be much more compelling than I expected. Drawn from John and Abigail Adams letters, diaries and correspondences as well as those of other leaders of the times and public record and documents, the book is like being there. I can't wait until the HBO mini series starts later this month.

Since my little foray into history turned out so delightful, I started searching around for other topics I might find interesting. The Internet in its unlimited way brought me face to face with the Civil War prison on Johnson Island in Ohio. It was a prison for Confederate officers located just off shore in Lake Erie -- near the current site of Cedar Point amusement park. Apparently I am not the only one who thinks about this prison. Heidelberg College in Tiffin, OH, has an ongoing archaeological dig at the prison's site and they have posted some of their findings online. (They are digging in the prison's latrines -- eeeeewwwww.) The professor, Dr. David Bush, leading the dig wrote an article for Archaeology magazine and was gracious enough to send me a copy of it. His enthusiasm is contagious and his project can use all of the funding it can get.

Friends and Descendents of Johnson's Island Civil War Prison purchased a portion of the island to preserve the site from developers and individual beach homes or from being turned into an orchard or who knows what.

I wondered how many other historic sites in the United States are threatened? Dr. Bush suggested I visit the Civil War Preservation Trust since it was the one organization battling to save our Civil War historic sites.

It seems to be a fact of life that 'old' is not revered in the United States. Old buildings get demolished to make way for newer, shinier, more modern edifices. Frank Lloyd Wright's work gets some concern for preservation, but even that is waning. So when it comes to grassy battlefields standing empty -- some developer sees visions of strip malls and parking lots. It isn't like in Scotland where castles are allowed to stand for centuries, piles of stones have meaning beyond that of a pile of stones, and the battle fields -- Culloden comes to mind -- are revered. The anger and emotion of that battle that was fought in the 1740s still smolders. Maybe that is more like the Confederate or Southern remembrance of the War Between the States....

But, still the battlefields are disappearing. There are some that have been lost. But there is hope. The Civil War Preservation Trust writes:

Although many battlefields are in danger of being lost forever, CWPT is making significant progress. In 2007 CWPT rescued more than 1,600 acres of hallowed ground at legendary battlefields like Champion Hill, Miss., Shiloh, Tenn., and Petersburg, Va. Since our creation two decades ago, CWPT has protected more than 25,000 acres at 99 sites in 18 states. Despite such successes, our work is far from done. We hope this report energizes both long-time supporters and new allies to continue the fight to protect and preserve these priceless treasures.

Yet, for anyone who has studied the American Civil War at all, you've heard of Antietam in Maryland. This significant battlefield is number one on their 'needs saving' list. The CWPT describes Antietam:

September 17, 1862
The bloodiest single day in American history, the Battle of Antietam ended the Confederacy’s first attempt to invade the North in a resounding fashion. Though the battle itself was tactically inconclusive in its outcome, the 23,000 casualties left behind by the fighting shocked the nation. Moreover, Antietam’s proximity to major northern population centers and their emerging photography industries allowed Americans to see for the first time the true horror of war through the aftermath of battle.

After my day spent listening to John Adam’s story in his own words, and told in such an intimate way as if someone from his times were talking to me – history isn’t something from another time, it is something connected to me. 1776 isn’t that far away from today. 1861 is even closer. My grandmother was born during Reconstruction. My mother grew up listening to Civil War veterans tell their stories. She saw the old soldiers make a life with missing arms, legs, hands, fingers, eyes…. There is a Civil War memorial in the center of my home town and a portion of the local cemetery devoted to Civil War soldiers.

If nothing else, I realize I’m connected to the past which gives me hope that I’ll be connected to the future. And what is most important – we must remember. In order to remember we must make an effort to preserve historic sites, papers, ephemera, diaries, letters – and make sure those from our era are also preserved. Take, for example those old copies of Harpers Weekly and the art (as included here) of Winslow Homer. Definitely worth preserving and learning more about.

Gifts from the Sea

Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book always gives me comfort, inspiration, or something to mull over. I found her book years ago when I had small children and needed to find balance and yes, some commiseration. I felt Anne's need to get away in the first words of her book and felt less guilty about my own escapist thoughts.

When she looks at a channeled whelk shell, she sees a home -- abandoned, rented by a hermit crab, and then abandoned again. It makes her ask "Did he hope to find a better home, a better mode of living?" and she compares this to her own situation. "I too have run away, I realize, I have shed the shell of my life, for these few weeks of vacation."

Everyone needs to get away. It doesn't always require elaborate plans. We have two bathrooms in our home. My husband and I share one, the other is for guests now that our children have grown and moved away. Recently we replaced faucets and I bought new towels and shower curtain, decorated with a container of sea shells and a couple knick knacks to remind us that we're in Florida. For most of the year it stands empty.

This weekend a restlessness overcame me. I didn't realize at the time, but I had a need to escape, to move out of my usual behavior patterns. I paced the house, searching for something, a place to go, a change. And the bathroom became just the location. Just enough difference. A fragrant soak in a bubble bath. Relaxing, enjoying the alone time, feeling pampered in a slight change of scenery. It filled a need that I didn't realize I had.

Anne moves on with her perusal of the shell and comments on its small perfection right down to the finest detail. And then she comments "My shell is not like this.... How untidy.... Blurred with moss, knobby with barnacles, its shape is hardly recognizable any more. Surely, it had a shape once. It has a shape still in my mind. What is the shape of my life?"

Good question.

I too often feel like I'm living the wrong life. Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years. I have a feeling that I've been following his lead. My favorite author, Diana Gabaldon, tells why she wrote that first novel: Outlander. She wanted to see if she could write a novel. And, if she was going to try to write a novel, she would give it her best effort, write it to the best of her abilities.

It seems to me, while I am wandering, trying to figure out what life I should be living, I can focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it to the best of my abilities. It isn't a bad way to spend a life, even the wrong one.

Stop Looking at your butt and see the future....

Author Anne Lamott has a way of putting things into perspective with an earthy, resounding turn of phrase that hits readers between the eyes. Her column in Salon magazine as well as her list of successful books leave me breathless with the energy and emotion that her writing exudes.

Her book about writing "Bird by Bird" gave me permission to write a 'shitty' first draft. Her book "Traveling Mercies" left me sobbing and speechless and so much more human. And in a recent interview for her latest book "Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith" she commented:

In general, I think Grace (Eventually) is a less angry book. I like how I'm aging, except that my back hurts more often, my knees crack like twigs when I squat, and my memory fails more frequently, in more public and therefore humiliating ways. But I think I complain less. As my best friend said when she was dying, and I was obsessing about my butt, "You just don't have that kind of time."

Anne is the only author, hers are the only books, that are classified as 'Christian' and are sprinkled somewhat liberally with four letter words, anger, dislike, self-dissolusionment and pure honesty.

But back to her butt comment. Time has been bothering me. I can't believe 2007 has finally ended -- a tough year for many of us. But more astonishing, January has come and gone. I still have no plans for the rest of the year. I haven't scouted out a writing workshop to attend, I haven't planned any travel so I can write about it, no weekend getaways. And most important, no plan on how to get this novel of mine written before this time next year.

My life stretches forward defined by what hours I work at my part-time job. It seems like there should be more to my life than that. A few deadlines for writing projects are sprinkled in, too few. And nothing at all in my weekly planner about the novel or goals. Part of me is afraid to set goals or a writing schedule because that just means I will fail and have the paper to prove it.

Visualization seems a reasonable alternative. I've tried seeing myself as a successful writer -- maybe I need to see myself as a 'working' writer. One with butt in chair (it doesn't matter the size of the butt or the chair) and writing, writing, writing. Maybe that's my downfall. I keep dreaming about the results of my work, but not the process. As Coach Lee (whoever that is) says, "The journey is just as important as the destination. Take time to enjoy the process."

Well, now how do I do that without laying out a work schedule? How do I do that without setting myself up to fail? And is it just possible that I am not a writer? That it is not the goal of my life that I should be pursuing? If not, then what? These are rather frightening questions at this stage of my life, is it time to follow another path on my life journey?

Maybe it is time to dust off my copy of "Bird by Bird" and see what Anne has to say.